The View from the Spaghetti Factory

Sometimes, it isn’t just about the performances on the pitch. Each of the matches on day 3 had some sort of political or historical significance.

Mexico 3 - 1 Iran

Right from the start, a terrible dilemma for the sensitive New Age pinko liberal leftie football fan. To cheer for Iran or not to cheer for Iran? Let’s be honest, now… we all cheered when they beat the USA in 1998, even in the days before Bush and the Axis of Evil hysteria. But wait… Iran’s president denies the Holocaust, and the entire female population is banned from attending football matches. A lot of sports fans tend to shy away from politics, but football is part of everyday life for many people, and politics *is* everyday life.

[I didn't actually notice, but I'm sure none of these issues were addressed on the BBC, whose coverage so far has been pretty moronic. ITV in "better than another channel" shocker!]

Actually, these ethical dilemmas were academic as far as I was concerned… I’d been hugely impressed by Mexico’s performance (beating Brazil) in last year’s Confederations Cup and was eager to see whether they’d finally punch their weight in a World Cup. They took a while to get started, but showed great promise for the next two matches during the second half.

Serbia & Montenegro 0 - 1 Holland

The second match kicked off the first and only World Cup appearance of Serbia & Montenegro. They were Yugoslavia in the 2000 European Championships, but the never-ending labyrinth of Balkan politics means that they’ll be entering their next tournaments as two independent nations. Now, as I mentioned before, the Netherlands have been my “second team” ever since the 1978 World Cup, so I wanted them to win, but it was good to see S&M put up a good fight.

This match also provided my first contender for pithy quote of the tournament. Co-commentator Mick McCarthy pointed out: “Robben can hardly stand up”. Um… yes. Despite his undeniable brilliance and my allegiance to his team, I find it impossible to ignore Arjen Robben’s conceited attitude and constant diving. I mean, it takes something to be a conspicuously whining prima donna at Chelsea, doesn’t it? And speaking of which…

Angola 0 - 1 Portugal

In which the African debutantes meet their former colonial masters. There was great potential for aggro here… in one of the two previous meetings (a “friendly”) four Angola players were sent off and the match was abandoned. If you rule a country for nearly half a millennium before leaving it to thirty years of poverty, ruin and civil war, you expect a few hard feelings. However, it was a spirited, flowing match, and any historical issues were overshadowed by a far more important matter. Cristiano Ronaldo must have the ball. Now. You can’t have it. It’s his ball. Give him the ball NOW! And a balloon. AND SOME CANDY FLOSS, DAMMIT! And if Mr Scolari substitutes him 20 minutes from the end, he’ll sit on the bench and cry. And probably do a big poo on the changing room floor as well.

Yes, that’s right… the Premiership’s biggest spoilt child was his usual frustrating self. While Arjen Robben’s sulky play-acting merely provided an unfortunate punctuation to 90 minutes of left-wing genius, Ronaldo’s obvious wing-play talents are frequently overshadowed by his selfish and mean-spirited attitude, not to mention those ludicrously ineffectual and over-complicated “step-over” moves.

Overall, despite an early goal, Portugal flattered to deceive and were fortunate not to concede from the many clear chances they gave to Angola, who just couldn’t match their extraordinary passing ability with a goalscoring instinct. With a likely second-round match against either Argentina or Holland, we’ll probably be seeing both an early exit for Portugal and a damn good kicking for little Lord Cristiano.

England 1 - 0 Paraguay
Trinidad & Tobago 0 - 0 Sweden
Argentina 2 - 1 Ivory Coast

Paraguay have often been known for their solid defences in the past, and after some early jitters (an own goal from a Beckham free-kick after four minutes; a substitute goalkeeper four minutes later) they settled into a solid, unadventurous game plan. England certainly were disappointing, but it was nothing disastrous… I always had the feeling that if Paraguay did ever sneak a goal, England would hit back hard. It occurred to me that England’s failings were more a case of apathy than ineptness; Paraguay just weren’t dangerous enough to provide the motivation.

It was a shame to hear a small number of (presumably England) fans jeering Owen Hargreaves, but his few contributions didn’t help his case much.

Compared with Germany’s hopeless defence (see Day 1) and England’s half-hearted attacking, Sweden provided the biggest “how the mighty have fallen” shock of the day. The recent Swedish teams have always been solid and organised, but with an explosive attacking flair, especially from Henrik Larsson. Today, Larsson (at 34, playing in his 5th major international tournament) provided the only glimmers of hope for a team that looked old, jaded and seriously in need of new blood.

Trinidad & Tobago, reduced to ten men shortly after half-time, played with passion and dedication and deserved the point. Shaka Hislop… honorary Geordie, honorary Cockney and now probably the world’s favourite second-choice goalkeeper.

In the final match, Ivory Coast certainly had the technical ability to pull off a similar feat, but constantly underestimated an excellent Argentinian defence. A number of promising moves ended with players running into trouble by releasing the ball far too late, while Didier Drogba was as frustrating as he so often is with Chelsea. If he had applied himself from the start, rather than playing the sulky victim, the match could have been very different. As it was, he began producing flashes of brilliance (including a cleverly taken goal) in the last ten minutes, but it was too late.

Argentina never looked like they were coasting, but they clearly have bags of talent between them, along with a crisply organised solidity. It’s always good to see people succeeding in life despite terrible physical impairments, and Juan Sorín showed once again that his 1986 poodle haircut needn’t prevent him from enjoying life to the full. Has he not considered the aerodynamic implications?

Do you get the feeling that several teams hadn’t read the script? Be honest now… did anyone predict *both* of those results?

Germany 4 - 2 Costa Rica
Poland 0 - 2 Ecuador

As Europe’s most successful World Cup performers, Germany were bound to win the opening game on home soil against a relative minnow in world football terms. What was surprising was that their squad appeared to have been kidnapped and replaced with the 1998 Japan squad… all “rabbit caught in headlights” defending and speculative long-range shots.

Of course, when those speculative shots come from sharpshooters like Torsten Frings and Philip Lahm, you’ve a fair chance of scoring, but had it not been for the more comprehensive footballing palette of Miroslav Klose, the match could easily have ended an impotent 2-2 draw. All the media attention has been on the Ballack bollocks, but to be honest, I’ve always found him rather overrated. Klose could be their best chance of avoiding embarrassment.

As it was, the 4-2 scoreline flatters Germany; while Costa Rica have a nice repertoire of passing moves (and skilful runs from Wanchope) they seriously lacked aggression, and should have done more to exploit some dodgy German passing. As the other supposed no-hopers in Group A, Ecuador had that aggression, using it to great effect against a lacklustre Polish team. I’d been so sure that Group A would simply be a Germany-Poland battle for the deciding match… lucky I’m not a gambling man!

[By the way, I'm going to link to BBC reports for all the results in these posts... no particular reason, other than the longevity of their microsites]

You already know that I have a passing interest in football, so it goes without saying that I may become slightly distracted by a minor event over the next few weeks. I therefore apologise for any reduction in blog activity during this time, although I hope that the minor event may inspire me to write. In which case, I apologise to those of you who have absolutely no interest in the matter.

But while we’re on the subject…

I’m not even going to take a wild guess at how far England will progress. Of course it’s the best England team on paper, coach with no political issues to avoid next season, talented young blood motivating the jaded old guard, game of two halves my son… blah blah blah. Nope. Not a clue. “On paper” is always the biggest lie of the lot. Keegan would have scored against Spain, Campbell’s goal against Argentina would have been allowed, Beckham wouldn’t have missed the penalty, Hoddle would have played Owen for the whole Romania match… if only football was a game played on paper.

In reality, though, it’s much more fun than that. England may have a disappointing run (and let’s face it, with this year’s pinnacle of media hype, anything less than a place in the final will be disappointing) but it’s still the World Cup. I’ll love every minute of it, just as I always have done. Holland have been my “second team” ever since the 1978 competition (as a nine-year-old, I think the bright orange shirts may have been the reason) so I’ll be following them with interest. I’ve always rooted for Sweden ever since studying the language and spending time there as a student, but that won’t be happening this year, at least not during the group stage.

Elsewhere in the competition…

For the first time in a while, I think I’ll enjoy watching Brazil. I’ve found them negative and (especially in the case of Rivaldo vs. Turkey in 2002) unsporting in the past two competitions, but I liked what I saw in last summer’s Confederations Cup tournament. Ronaldinho is always a joy to watch, and the rest of the team seemed to share in his cheerful, creative style of play.

It’d be good to see Italy break out of their “eternal underachiever” status, but it’s starting to look unlikely once again. As a Fiorentina fan, I’m hoping to see Luca Toni at his best, but it remains to be seen whether Totti is fully match-fit and whether the huge scandal gripping Italian football will have an effect on the team morale.

Oh, and Germany? Well, as the cliché goes, “you can never write off the Germans”. You can’t, but the old cliché is looking a little threadbare this time around…

Whatever did we do in the days before Youtube? Here’s an excerpt from the US current affairs debate show “Crossfire”, featuring Frank Zappa and Washington Time writer John Lofton slugging it out over rock music censorship…

Frank Zappa on Crossfire 1986

Twenty years on, the hysteria over sexually explicit lyrics and videos has now largely died down, with only occasional outbreaks of angst over rap and, of course, the Jerry Springer Opera here in the UK. However, some things haven’t changed, as this quote from Frank illustrates…

“The biggest threat to America today is not communism, it’s moving America towards a fascist theocracy, and everything that’s happened during the Reagan administration is steering us right down that pipe.”

The shaved monkey has changed, but the message is the same! By the way, if John Lofton’s contributions to the debate irritate you as much as they did me, you’ll just love his blog, full of right-wing fundamentalist drivel.

Zappa made another appearance on Crossfire the following year, which you can watch via iFilm. Faced with the icky self-righteousness of the PMRC’s Rev. Jeff Ling, you can hardly blame him.