I was in Asda a few minutes ago, doing my usual frustrated shuffle behind slow-moving gawpers. Immediately in front of me, a couple are obviously looking for something specific. She heads for the International Foods aisle, but her shaven-headed, tattooed and string-vested consort points out “nah, that’s for all that fackin’ foreign shit”.

So they do a quick about turn into the next aisle. “Yeah, thassit”, he mutters, as they make a beeline for the…

Dolmio pasta sauces!

I coughed a little laugh into my basket.