The View from the Spaghetti Factory

England 1 - 0 Ecuador

Well, once again it wasn’t pretty, but once again it was slightly less ugly than before.

I’m not sure what to make of Ecuador. Powerful and creative against Poland and Costa Rica, they then looked hopelessly deflated against Germany. Today, they managed to condense both moods into one match… I fully expected them to score during the first half, and they started the second half with vigour, but they slowly melted away after Beckham scored England’s goal.

As for England… that defence is still looking jittery. Paul Robinson really has to decide whether he’s the sort of goalkeeper who comes out or the sort who stays put. You just can’t dither between the two, as we found in the match against Sweden. He looked more comfortable as the game went on, though. Frank Lampard is also not quite up to his usual standard. He was involved in some good passing moves today, but his speciality is creating chances and scoring from midfield, and this just isn’t working for him. On a number of occasions over the past four matches, he’s been in a strong striking position with the ball at his feet, only to pass unselfishly to a player in a far less promising position. He just wouldn’t do that for Chelsea.

On the upside, it was great to see Beckham keeping his lunch down long enough to score with that fantastic free kick. The work by the German camera crew wasn’t quite as sharp, though, only panning over to him as he spat out the last few diced carrots. Seriously, Beckham put in a solid performance despite the Delhi Belly, combining well on the right flank with Owen Hargreaves, who is looking better with every match. He certainly seems to have got the hang of the Gary Neville overlapping role. Also improving constantly is England’s favourite round pink thing since Gazza’s fake breasts. Rooney started the match looking a little rusty, much as he did during his last two appearances, but something suddenly kicked in during the second half. He’s still not quite at his best, but things are looking a little more promising for the next round. And speaking of which…

Portugal 1 - 0 Holland

Now, I like watching skilful, creative football as much as the next fan, but there are times when you just want to see a good fight.

It’s difficult to know what to make of this match from an England perspective… there were times in the first 25 minutes (including Maniche’s well-hit goal) when Portugal looked a very scary prospect for the next round, but they also showed a remarkable ability to descend into defensive chaos when threatened by Holland’s wingers, Robben and Lord van Persie.

What came next was certainly chaotic. Sixteen yellow cards and four red cards… that’s a World Cup record. Portugal dived, writhed, whined and howled, but also dished out their fair share of fouls, still finding time to squeeze in some moments of quite beautiful football. I’ve complained about Arjen Robben’s play-acting before, but for once his performance was positively understated, concentrating on his football while anarchy broke out all around him. The rest of the Dutch team weren’t quite so disciplined, happily following the Portuguese into battle with elbows and studs flying.

I suspect Marco van Basten will be out of a job fairly soon. His decision not to pick Ruud van Nistelrooy started to look like the manifestation of something more personal, an outright snub. With five minutes to go, a goal behind and with centre-forward Dirk Kuyt never looking like scoring, van Nistelrooy was overlooked once again, this time in favour of Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. Okay, so he’s the most spectacularly named player of the tournament, but syllables, as I’m sure Motty would tell us, are not goals. As the red cards started to appear, Holland were twice in the position of having a one-man advantage, but just couldn’t make it count. This is Marco van Basten’s first coaching job, and it shows. To paraphrase (predictably) the Grolsch adverts, “Wait… dis coach ish not ready!”

Oh, and let’s not forget the referee. Having produced his yellow card eight times in the (solid, but not overly aggressive) Switzerland/France snoozefest, Valentin Ivanov was clearly on a mission to referee himself into the record books. Every ref has his own particular style, and some are more fussy than others. Ivanov certainly seems to have a low tolerance for yellow card offences, and stamped his identity on this match in only the second minute, booking Mark van Bommel when a wagging finger and raised eyebrow would have sufficed.

There are two problems with having such a skewed sense of fair/unfair play. Firstly, when a match such as this one escalates into massed petulance, you can’t step up to the “red alert” level of discipline, because you’re already there. Secondly, the players see the opportunity to act up and get their opponents sent off, a practice which, as we saw today, works both ways.

It seems fitting that, in a World Cup where several big teams have produced decidedly mediocre performances, the refereeing has been similarly erratic. I’m reluctant to criticise the men in black, as the fast pace of modern football and the steady stream of helpful (haha!) advice from the players, not to mention the ever-growing list of FIFA directives, have made their job incredibly difficult. However, I’ve seen some pretty bizarre decisions over the past couple of weeks from what is supposed to be the cream of world refereeing. Graham Poll’s nightmare performance during the Croatia/Australia match has grabbed the most headlines, but there’s been plenty more.

The latest FIFA regulation tweaks seem to have created some confusion. I’ve moaned previously about the diving and play-acting by certain players, and to be fair, the FIFA line is “yellow card only when absolutely certain”, but even the most obvious examples are going unpunished. Related to this is the “card waving” mime, whereby players suggest to the referee that an opponent should be booked or sent off. I think I’ve seen one or two players booked for this, but in most instances they’re getting away with it. The ban on the “lunging tackle” has been more successful, but now some referees (possibly those unfamiliar with the harder, faster European game) are going too far, picking up on any tackle where both players are running in the same direction. They seem to be basing their decisions on the movement of the (possibly diving) tacklee rather than looking for lunging movement by the tackler.

Anyway, on to Saturday’s football. Appropriately enough, this looked like being a tale of two referees…

Germany 2 - 0 Sweden

Yep, they’re starting to look like the second greatest footballing country of all time playing at home. The movement between Pig-Climber (come on, allow me my occasional bursts of schoolboy humour) Ballack and Klose were superb, and Podolski’s goals were quite a surprise after his ineffectual striking in previous matches. Sweden, on the other hand, never really got started. They looked stunned by the first two goals and their ageing team was always a couple of paces behind the lightning fast Germans. Swedish football is going through a transitional phase at the moment; just as France now have to learn to cope without Zidane, Sweden now have to adjust to life after the talismanic Larsson.

However, it wasn’t quite as simple as that. Let’s get back to refereeing…

Carlos Eugenio Simon was way out of his depth. I hate to make generalisations about countries and their different football cultures, but this Brazilian referee just didn’t seem equipped for a match between two robust northern European sides. He gave free kicks (and even yellow cards) for tackles where physical contact was minimal, and his dismissal of Teddy Lucic was simply laughable. As the BBC studio pundits said, Lucic’s second offence wasn’t even a foul, never mind a yellow card. With the new FIFA directives in mind, it was particularly galling to see Podolski slapping the referee approvingly on the back… surely that should be a yellow card offence, exactly the same as the “card waving” gesture?

In general, it was like watching Manchester United, Chelsea or Arsenal playing at home, with the referee terrified to give anything serious in front of massive home support. Now, I’m in no position to criticise, as I’d probably crap myself in front of 60,000 roaring fans, but is this is the sort of referee FIFA put on their shortlist?

Argentina 2 - 1 Mexico

Another Argentina match, another absolute delight for the neutral observer. However, while their demolition of Serbia & Montenegro was effectively an exhibition match, this was a proper hard-fought contest. Mexico contributed just as much to the spectacle, exorcising the demons of their half-hearted performances in the group stage with a stunning performance of defensive organisation and flowing passing moves. On his performance in that match alone, Rafael Marquez should be considered one of the players of the tournament. Although Maxi Rodriguez’s wonderfully taken goal was enough to clinch it for Argentina, there really wasn’t much to separate the two sides… the 2006 World Cup is a poorer competition for having to lose one of these teams.

In complete contrast to the previous match, the refereeing display during the first half was almost perfect. Massimo Busacca allowed the play to flow, clearly distinguishing fouls from robust (but fair) tackles and maintaining a good rapport with the players. He continued in the same vein, with only the odd mistake, but unfortunately the rest of the game was overshadowed by that absolute howler of a decision just before half time. Heinze should definitely have been sent off for his last-ditch tackle on Fonseca; how the referee could come to any other conclusion is baffling. Only one major error, and they’re all human, but that decision could have played a major part in the final outcome.

Ukraine 1 - 0 Tunisia
Spain 1 - 0 Saudi Arabia

I believe there was some football this afternoon. Having just returned from a sixteen mile walk over Kentmere Pike, I found myself more captivated by the dual charms of my cup of tea and bottle of ale. Anyone who managed to sleep through the Ukraine/Tunisia match would have enjoyed merciful release from one of the worst matches so far. From what little I saw of the other Group H match, there wasn’t much to recommend it either. I mean, really… beating Saudi Arabia by only a single goal, and from a dodgy free kick as well.

This has been one of the easiest groups of the competition, and Ukraine have been thoroughly disappointing. Even Spain should probably have dominated more against such hopeless non-opposition. So what sizzling superstars will Spain and Ukraine be up against in the next round? Oh, dear God…

France 2 - 0 Togo
Switzerland 2 - 0 South Korea

All of the media attention on Group G has revolved around the deterioration of French football, the debut appearance of plucky Togo and the likelihood of South Korea being able to shine on foreign soil. Away from the media glare, Switzerland were solid, effective and got the job done. They’ve easily been the most consistent team in the group and can look forward to a potentially easy second-round match against Ukraine.

France finally found second gear, but benefitted partly from Togo’s inability to cap their ranging attacking moves with actual shots on goal. A draw with Spain may just finish off this poor France setup for good, or who knows… it might finally spur them into action.

Czech Republic 0 - 2 Italy
Ghana 2 - 1 USA

Along with Group G, this was one of the most interesting in the run-up to the final matches. Any of these four teams had a chance of progressing, but by the same token, any of them could have been knocked out.

As it turned out, the Czechs were again unable to match their form in the opening game, while Italy have started to show signs of being a proper Italian side. If Cannavaro can maintain that sort of quality, Italy won’t be letting in many goals. To be fair to the Czechs, Baros really didn’t look fully match-fit, while the loss of Koller (injury) and his understudy Lokvenc (suspension) affected their game plan badly.

Meanwhile, the once-promising USA limped out of the tournament with a defeat to one of this year’s surprising new discoveries. Although it’s good to see an African team progress to the second round, the USA were unlucky… that match-winning penalty simply shouldn’t have been awarded. Oh, but look who was in charge… Markus Merk, that notoriously erratic referee! Only yesterday, Merk withdrew his official complaint that (after the Brazil/Australia match) Harry Kewell had called him “fucking shit” when his report of the incident oddly failed to tally with those of the other officials. Now, with that in mind, why was he even allowed to referee such an important match?

I’ve been baffled on several occasions by interpretations of FIFA’s latest directives, and I’ll try to find time to moan about them soon. For now, though, there are matches to talk about…

Japan 1 - 4 Brazil
Croatia 2 - 2 Australia

Not quite as open as Group E, but any of the other three teams had a chance to join Brazil in the second round. For Japan, it was little more than a statistical possibility, but it was great to see them really going at Brazil, playing quick, skilful football and scoring a classy opening goal. They were just unlucky to be up against a Brazil team that was starting to get into its (considerable) stride. Before the competition started, I hoped that Brazil had purged themselves of their recent negative style, and for the first two matches I wasn’t convinced. However, this was a tasty performance. I’d love to see them play Argentina right now.

Meanwhile, Australia needed a draw to progress. They stuck at it and got the result (although I’m not sure the change of goalkeeper was the best idea). However, a truly bizarre refereeing performance by Graham Poll made it difficult to see what the real outcome of the match should have been. Poll missed at least another two or three potential Croatia bookings, but what about the other four officials? Didn’t any of them notice he’d booked Simunic three times?

Holland 0 - 0 Argentina
Ivory Coast 3 - 2 Serbia & Montenegro

With Group C’s final matches came further evidence to suggest that Ivory Coast could have been one of the surprise successes of the tournament, if only they hadn’t been drawn in the Group of Death. Ah well… I’m sure that won’t be the last we’ll see of them.

The battle for top spot had been rather heavily hyped, but it really wasn’t a classic. Argentina probably had the edge, especially when both Tevez and Messi were on the pitch and running at the Dutch defence, but Holland had a few good attacks. Given the solid organisation of the Argentinian defence, though, they still look the most likely world champions based on all the matches so far.

Portugal 2 - 1 Mexico
Iran 1 - 1 Angola

… and with that, Mexico now have the unenviable task of playing Argentina in the second round. For several periods in this match (even in the second half with ten men) they showed glimpses of what they can do, stringing intricate passing moves around the Portuguese defence. The one thing they lack is shooting ability; maybe this will change if they can stay in the tournament long enough to make use of Jared Borgetti.

As for Portugal, they deserved the win, but I hope Holland give them a good kicking in the second round. Kick them off the pitch and kick them out of the competition… I’ve seen all I can stomach of that vile, devious little team, with their endless whining, diving and gamesmanship.

Germany 3 - 0 Ecuador
Costa Rica 1 - 2 Poland

ln light of the influence Group A has on England’s progress to the last eight, there’s been plenty of speculation relating to the Germany/Ecuador match. If Ecuador, playing five hours before England, were to beat Germany, would England have to contrive to lose against Sweden, purely to avoid meeting Germany in the second round?

Of course, it was all academic in the end, and such an upset was never really going to happen, despite Ecuador’s solid form. With the possibility of earning maximum points in their capital city, Germany were bound to go for it, and they pulled off an impressive win. Ecuador fielded an under-strength side and never really tested the previously suspect German defence. Meanwhile, Poland, playing for pride, finally remembered how to score goals. It’s been a miserable few years for Polish football.

Sweden 2 - 2 England
Paraguay 2 - 0 Trinidad & Tobago

Sweden faced a statistical chance of being knocked out and this showed in their full-blooded style… cleary they didn’t want to be in the position of gambling on the Paraguay result. Although there was plenty of cause for concern in England’s performance, it’s worth bearing in mind that the Swedes were *really* going for it, finally breaking free of the plodding conservatism that dogged their first two matches.

But let’s not be unrealistic. England made a dog’s dinner of what could have been a hard-fought victory. For a supposedly world-class defence to flap so badly at a set-piece is poor, but to do it twice? Paul Robinson’s reluctance to claim loose balls more aggressively was a contributing factor in the second goal, but Ashley Cole, guarding the back post, was at fault both times. Given his relatively small stature, it seems unfair to put him in that situation, but if he is going to do that job, his positional awareness has to improve. It’s a pity… he looked good going forward.

Despite the result, there were several positive aspects to England’s play. Joe Cole did exactly what everyone has been waiting in vain for Ronaldinho to do, with dazzling skill, dangerous runs and a spectacular goal. Rooney still isn’t fully match fit, but he’s getting there, and Sol Campbell looks to be recapturing his best form. Oh, and Owen Hargreaves did a fair bit to answer his critics, casually relieving various Swedish players of the ball at crucial moments.

The (apparently serious) injury to Michael Owen could prove to be England’s biggest setback yet… fingers crossed, eh?

Togo 0 - 2 Switzerland
Saudi Arabia 0 - 4 Ukraine
Spain 3 - 1 Tunisia

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Yesterday, we learned that the French are back in self-destruct mode. Today, we learned that Switzerland can play attacking football. Just think… if the Swiss had been a bit more adventurous against France, Group G could have been even more interesting. Even so, they still seemed to be holding back against Togo, who (once again) couldn’t turn passionate effort into an actual result.

Group H, meanwhile, isn’t looking much clearer than it did a week ago. Ukraine banished the memories of their 4-0 defeat to Spain, beating Saudi Arabia by the same margin. Not wishing to deflate too many parties in Kiev, but hey… it’s only Saudi Arabia, lads. But then the Saudis did hold African champions Tunisia to a 2-2 draw last week. But, but… that was the bad side of Tunisia’s notoriously schizophrenic football personality, whereas their fast, skilful persona nearly caused a major upset against Spain today. But ultimately didn’t.

Oh, I don’t know… I certainly won’t be putting any bets on the outcome of this group. However, I will wager that we won’t see many refereeing displays worse than the one in the Spain/Tunisia game today. Oh well, at least true randomness is statistically fair to both sides.

Further administrative stupidity has been in evidence away from the actual football action, when a group of Dutch fans were told to remove their comedy orange lederhosen. The offending garments, you see, bore the logo of a Germany brewery which wasn’t on the list of official sponsors. It still baffles me that, in a country with a legendary brewing tradition, one of the main sponsors is Budweiser, US-owned purveyors of plastic fake piss.

Japan 0 - 0 Croatia
Brazil 2 - 0 Australia
France 1 - 1 South Korea

After the initial group games, the pressure has been on certain big teams to prove themselves. In today’s matches, the onus was on Brazil to win more convincingly, and on France to… just win, or score a goal at the very least.

Against the open, attacking style of world football’s eternal optimists, the French certainly started in better form than they had shown against the more disciplined Swiss. They still looked pretty mediocre, though, and Henry did little to dispel suggestions that he can’t match his Arsenal form in internationals. More annoying was his ludicrous diving, frequently in situations where his Arsenal persona would have battled hard for a goal.

Even though France controlled the pace for the first 80 minutes, it was telling that they only managed to score once. Meanwhile, the Koreans had only two shots on goal, and scored with one of them. That’s all it takes.

Similarly, Brazil showed a slight improvement, but are still nowhere near the sort of quality their squad list would suggest. Once again, Ronaldo was ineffectual, but was not substituted until the second half… reputation still seems to play a large part in Brazilian team selection. Australia fought hard and often played well, but Kewell’s lack of form reduced their options. Good to hear the Aussie fans reacting loudly to the frequent dives by the Brazilians… it’s a pity the referee didn’t do the same.

Croatia and Japan both needed to get their campaigns back on track, which explains the stalemate. Still, it was entertaining, and it’s a shame that at least one of these teams will be going home next week.

Portugal 2 - 0 Iran
Czech Republic 0 - 2 Ghana
Italy 1 - 1 USA

One moment in today’s first match was guaranteed to bring a wry smile to the face of any seasoned football fan. After seeing one of the Iranian players yield to the softest of challenges, everyone in the Portuguese dugout leapt to his feet in protest at the obvious dive, while the players gesticulated wildly at the referee. How deliciously ironic.

Apart from that, I can’t remember much about that match. Iran might have stood a chance if they’d had the courage to play with more than one striker… as it was, Kazemeian rarely found the ball at his feet. Portugal certainly deserved to win, but for a neutral observer it was like watching paint dry.

While Group D is shaping up to be one of the least interesting, Group E is packed with potential.Today’s first game looked like a perfect chance for the Czechs to build on their impressive performance against the USA, but Ghana had other ideas.

Back on Day 4 I thought that Italy weren’t particularly convincing in their win against an unlucky Ghana. However, everything worked for Ghana today, while the Czechs looked like the post-match celebrations had erased any memory of how they’d so comfortably demolished the USA.

And now for something completely different… hang on, isn’t the comedy warm-up act supposed to come on first? Or was this Greek tragedy? Whatever, the Italy/USA match was like a cross between a classic midwinter Premiership (or Serie A) grudge match and… well, a scrap in the pub carpark. The ITV commentary team made all the right disapproving noises, but this match was every bit as compelling as some of the more skilful displays we’ve seen.

We already knew that Italy have the capacity to self-destruct even more dramatically than England, but they did well to regroup after the Zaccardo own goal and De Rossi sending off. I would have expected more self-control from the Americans, though. With both teams reduced to ten men and knowing that the referee was a stickler, they still started the second half in exactly the same full-blooded style, only to have another player sent off. With the disadvantage in numbers, the USA did well to hold on to the draw. It wasn’t pretty, but perhaps we’re now seeing a little of the true capability of this US team.

Argentina 6 - 0 Serbia & Montenegro
Holland 2 - 1 Ivory Coast
Mexico 0 - 0 Angola

Cutting swiftly to the chase, Holland were lucky to win their match, despite having started in fine form. Arjen Robben couldn’t match his impressive performance against S&M, and instead veered worryingly close to his diving, whinging Chelsea style. Instead it was Robin van Persie, over on the opposite wing, who steered the Dutch team to victory today, with a dazzling goal and some battling defensive work in the last ten minutes. Ivory Coast played well, never gave up and should be proud of their performance in the Group of Death. Holland face Argentina next, and I’m not sure that their centre-halves are up to the job.

Later, an uninspired Mexico were justifiably held to a goalless draw by Angola. Apart from the occasional fleeting hint of Mexico’s true passing ability and the fact that the result was such a massive and fully deserved achievement for little Angola, there wasn’t much to recommend the match. Do I sound like I’m rushing? Well, there’s a good reason…

Quite honestly, everything seemed like an anti-climax after Argentina’s display. We may well see harder-fought contests in this World Cup, and S&M really didn’t muster much of a fight, but that didn’t matter. Argentina were truly spectacular, performing a masterclass in fast, attacking football, where every team member performs his role perfectly and contributes to the system. The whole team was perfectly balanced, with none of the gaping holes (as demonstrated by England) necessitating long balls; everything flowed along the full length of the pitch. Hell, even the substitutions merged seamlessly into the overall plan. They didn’t dive, there were very few fouls and they even had a goal disallowed. I’ll wager there are several international coaches in their hotel rooms tonight, glued to their TVs with the video remote controls in their hands!

[I'm off to the Lake District tomorrow for a week. I'll still be watching all the football, but I'll probably have to write and send blog entries from my phone... apologies for lateness, brevity and typos!]