The View from the Spaghetti Factory

So there we go… it’s all over.

It’s difficult to tell how many people are putting on brave faces, but judging by radio interviews this morning, all three parties are happy in their own ways. Labour have their third term while both the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats have improved their standings in the House of Commons. And being pragmatic, I’m fairly satisfied with the outcome. Although a (recently rather disillusioned) Labour person, I was keen for the party’s majority to be substantially reduced; partly as a reminder to the Dear Leader of how atrociously he’s behaved over the whole Iraq thing, and partly just to restore an element of competition and debate to the Commons.

Of course, it would have been fun to see a Lib Dem government, but that was never really going to happen. They’ve made some gains, and although Wee Charlie is proclaiming a new era of three-party politics, closer inspection reveals a more mixed picture. Of 16 gains, 12 were in previously Labour-held seats, while their 5 losses were all in favour of the Tories. The overall share of the votes matches this pattern… the Lib Dems have done exceptionally well in Labour seats, where, in the aftermath of the Iraq and ID card debates, their “more left than Labour” stance has won them plenty of protest votes. But everywhere else, they’ve seen their vote significantly eroded by the Tories. They should not be complacent about this… if the Tories continue their revival, and if Gordon Brown eventually leads Labour, regaining the dissatisfied lefties, the Lib Dems could find themselves back in the doldrums again.

Complacency certainly seemed to be the problem here in Sutton and Cheam where a fairly unlikely Tory target has now slipped back to being a fairly dramatic marginal seat once again. Apart from a smattering of leaflets from all three major parties, I’ve seen no electioneering here whatsoever. A couple of Labour people wandered past yesterday, clearly on their way to somewhere else, and I saw a sole Conservative activist at the train station last night, although he seemed to be waiting for someone, rather than doing any actual campaigning!

One of the main talking points this time has been the potential security risk of postal voting. I’m just not keen on the idea of postal voting; even less so on the suggestion of SMS voting. If I’m going to trust the security of my vote to anyone, it’s not going to be the Post Office or the mobile phone networks!

Seriously, though, I think the scandals in the run-up to this election have provided enough ammunition for a reversal of postal voting facilities… when the mighty John Humphrys finds that someone else has fraudulently used his vote, you know things are bad. As far as I’m concerned, any form of remote or proxy voting should only be used in the most desperate circumstances. Polls suggest that young people would vote in greater numbers if it was easier to vote… well, tough luck. How much easier does it need to be than spending a couple of minutes down at your local polling station? If you can’t manage that little effort, I don’t want you playing a part in deciding my future, okay?

Pete pointed out my blog silence, especially in relation to the election, on IRC earlier…

I haven’t been struck by the galloping political apathy that sweeps our nation… well, maybe I have. Except I’m not apathetic about voting, I’m apathetic about *talking about* voting. I just have so many confusing and muddled opinions, it’s impossible to summarise everything in a few pithy comments.

I’ll be voting Liberal Democrat in my constituency, simply because we have a great MP and because it’s the best way of keeping the Tories out. I’m basically a “Labour person” deep down, because most of their core ideologies match mine. However, several of those ideologies are being eroded with the new-Labour movement, and of course there’s the small matter of a war I totally disagreed with. Still, even the worst of Tony’s rightward shifts are far preferable (to me) than any Tory government I can imagine, so one of my primary wishes is that the Conservative party is never elected again. As I think I mentioned before, I grew up in a country that was governed for the benefit of the rich, the greedy and the unprincipled. I don’t want to see that happen again. But without a numerically strong opposition, the worst of Tony’s “reforms” can still go unchecked, so it’d be good to see that huge majority reduced… preferably to the benefit of the Lib Dems.

See? It’s all about “if”, “but” and “however”. Just like tactical voting, except on a national scale.

More specifically, though, I’d like to ask favours of the voters in a couple of constituencies out there…

The most notable thing about Erewash in Derbyshire is that it’s where that severely ludicrous man Robert Kilroy-Silk is standing for his Vanitas Veritas party. Now, if you live in that constituency, I’ll be happy for you to make up your own minds, but if you do feel the urge to vote for one of the “other” parties, please make sure it’s not Kilroy. As Jeremy said earlier… for the love of GOD vote Militant Elvis!

And down in Folkestone we have a very interesting situation. In 2001, the combined Labour and Lib Dem voters could have beaten Michael Howard by over 7% if they’d all tactically voted one way or the other. Now, wouldn’t it be great if they could get it right this time? Here’s a hint… Maureen Tomison, the Labour candidate, has a rather shady past as a lobbyist with some very important Tory friends and even as a Tory election candidate. Go on, people of Kent!

Yeah, so it was named after his father, who I assume is marginally less of an imbecile, but it still makes me laugh… the CIA’s George Bush Center for Intelligence.

Imagine the architects’ brief for the building…

- All important rooms on the ground floor; not much going on upstairs
- Lights must always be on, even when there’s no one home
- All closets to have built-in skeletons

etc…

Whatever next? The Margaret Thatcher Benevolent Fund?

With less than a month to the General Election, how does this election campaign differ from the last one, in 2001? Well, Tony Blair is less popular, largely due to the Iraq war, and there’s a much stronger feeling of “Blair out whether Labour win or not”; in 2001 his main detractors were anti-Labour in general, but now he has plenty of enemies among previously loyal Labour voters. Meanwhile, the Tories are even more hopeless and divided than they were in 2001 and 1997. (Good. I grew up in a country which was run for the benefit of the rich, greedy and unprincipled… the slow demise of that party is fully deserved.)

But you know what is shaping up to be one of the big differences between 2005 and 2001? Apart from the widespread use of political blogging? It’s… Ebay. Yes! Having pervaded just about every other aspect of modern life, Ebay has now entered the world of politics, albeit rather hesitantly. The first few “buy my vote” auctions appeared this morning, although it seems that all but one have since been withdrawn, no doubt as the sellers realised what they were doing was illegal.

Still, one remains… seller subynesimean of Derbyshire would like you to buy his vote. Of course, that’s illegal, but that obviously doesn’t deter the bidders… as I write this, 21 bidders have taken the price to �1000, with 9 days to go. No, really!

(And just in case Ebay decide to delete the auction before you see it, here’s a screengrab)

Clearly more wary of the legality of such things, paulj866 is promising *not* to vote for whoever the winning bidder chooses (screengrab).

And even more tenuously, someone has set up a new Ebay ID, themindisaterriblething, just for the purpose of selling the use of his/her mind “or the 1 minute it will take to enter a polling station during the 2005 UK General Election and put a cross in a box next to a political party” (screengrab).

A sad indictment of a dwindling respect for the democratic system? Just a bit of fun to lighten the day? The future of British politics? Vote now!

Thanks to Pete, here’s a couple of musical Flash animations that have just made me laugh. A lot. And laughter is always so much more rewarding when the butt of the joke is Robert Kilroy-Silk, don’t you find?

Mr Tangerine Man (880K)

Veritas Party song (350K)

Everybody sing along…

“Veritas, Veritas
The party for the vain and crass
Stick it up your suntanned ass
Kilroy-Silk you utter spaz”