The View from the Spaghetti Factory

Ecuador 3 - 0 Costa Rica
England 2 - 0 Trinidad & Tobago
Sweden 1 - 0 Paraguay

Yesterday I said that the Germany/Ecuador game could prove interesting, based on the fact that the German defence was looking quite dodgy. In light of Ecuador’s performance today, that match has gained a whole new level of intrigue. Both teams have now won twice, but where Germany’s shaky defence leaked two goals against little Costa Rica, Ecuador’s defence is as yet unbeaten. In today’s match, as against Poland, they demonstrated that fast attacking flair, which could easily provide Germany with their biggest threat so far.

After all that excitement, I cooled down by watching the England match. I hate to imagine how many journalists (and amateur pundit gobshite bloggers) had already written their scathing reports by the end of that eighty-minute snooze-athon… Owen really hasn’t regained his touch, Beckham was overhitting everything and Lampard and Gerrard seemed to be shooting with hobnail boots on. Joe Cole looked reasonably nippy, while John Terry was rock solid in defence, pulling off a spectacular goal-line clearance at one point. But then, a while after the introduction of The Most Famous Foot In The World and Aaron Lennon, everything suddenly slotted into place. For ten minutes we saw a fast, organised, attacking team who can beat Sweden, Ecuador and… well, let’s not get carried away, eh?

This whole “sluggish big team vs. tough-defending underdog” thing is fast becoming a cliché, and I think we can learn a lot from having seen England, Brazil and Holland’s opening games and Germany’s second game. Increased employment mobility and global TV coverage have resulted in a narrowing of the gap between superstar and underdog; it’s happened in domestic competitions such as the FA Cup, as well as in other sports (it was big news at Wimbledon in the mid-nineties). The big names just aren’t thrashing the plucky no-hopers quite so easily any more, because the no-hopers are learning to concentrate their limited resources on organised defending rather than gung-ho attacking. Speaking of which…

Sweden really didn’t deserve to win. As with Germany/Poland, the deadlock held for so long that a 0-0 draw could be the only fair result. To give Paraguay their due, they looked more dangerous on the attack than against England, but far too many chances fizzled out on the edge of the Swedish penalty box. Sweden looked thoroughly bereft of inspiration until… well, Henrik Larsson didn’t get an honorary MBE for nothing. He’s the archetypal deadly striker and took his chance perfectly, but I do feel for the Paraguayans, who deserved a point for sheer hard graft.

Spain 4 - 0 Ukraine
Tunisia 2 - 2 Saudi Arabia
Germany 1 - 0 Poland

At last! It’s taken us until the start of the second set of group games, but we’ve now seen a proper full-blooded European grudge match. Neither team really deserved to lose, and had Poland’s Radoslaw Sobolewski not been sent off, I think it would have been a draw. Germany’s defence still looked very dodgy (apart from the sterling work of Per Mertesacker) and certainly benefitted from Poland’s lack of attacking creativity. The Germany/Ecuador game could be interesting.

Of the other two matches, I had high hopes for Ukraine. They’ve promised so much in the past (not least when their national squad was effectively that brilliant young Dynamo Kiev team plus a few extras) but never quite made it out of the qualification stage. This is their big chance to show what their players can do, right? Well, on the evidence of that match, no. The mighty Shevchenko hardly touched the ball and was effectively removed from the game by some faultless Spanish defending. On the other hand, Spain were simply mesmerising, with every player combining perfectly to create moves which pinballed from side to side, end to end. Vashchuk’s dismissal (and the subsequent penalty resulting in Spain’s third goal) was unfortunate, and plenty of referees wouldn’t have given anything, but action replays clearly showed him grabbing Torres’ shorts.

Oh yeah, and Tunisia played Saudi Arabia in a dreary, apathetic encounter, distinguished only by a fairly exciting final ten minutes. Tunisia have a reputation for being schizophrenic in big tournaments… we saw Mighty Tunisia win the African Cup of Nations earlier this year, but it was Moribund Tunisia who turned up yesterday. Saudi Arabia looked sharp and skilful, but their lightweight style of play never does them any favours. As Jim Beglin said on the ITV commentary, their football scene is so isolated… all of the players are based at home clubs, they play their international qualifiers (and, presumably, their Champions’ League equivalent) against weak Asian clubs and they rarely play European teams in friendlies, so they never get the chance to toughen up against world-class opposition. Still, when you get a Rolls Royce each just for turning up, what’s the problem?

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There are some great comedy names in this year’s World Cup. Here’s a comprehensive guide to the sort of sophisticated comedy you can enjoy as your brain starts to react to a steady diet of TV and beer.

Bastian Schweinsteiger - Germany’s Mr Pig-Climber.

Otto Pfister - The Togo coach with the Clapham Common surname. As James Richardson (never one to leave a pun unpunned) pointed out on the Guardian’s World Cup podcast, the name is quite appropriate given the upheavals in the Togo camp… first he was in, then he was out, then he was back in again…

Leo Beenhacker - The Trinidad & Tobago coach, who probably gets turned down for lots of jobs in garden centres.

Er… that’s it.

South Korea 2 - 1 Togo
France 0 - 0 Switzerland
Brazil 1 - 0 Croatia

On days like this, I’m always glad I have the multitasking ability which allows me to play guitar, drink beer and read the paper while watching football. Without those small mercies, I’d probably go insane… or perhaps even (gasp!) turn the TV off.

The Korea/Togo match was easily the most watchable, at least during the second half, although I missed out on any excitement by having to record it and watch it after the other two matches, by which time I knew the score. All of the pressure was on South Korea, who reached the semi-finals on their home turf in 2002, yet had never won a World Cup match elsewhere. A win against Togo (lucky qualifiers with a dysfunctional coaching setup) was vital, if only to deflect the inevitable journalistic reminders of the favourable refereeing decisions against Spain in 2002 and of course the Hiddink effect.

When Togo took the lead after 31 minutes, the Koreans were visibly shocked and didn’t start to look comfortable until the second half. Nonetheless, the goal was against the run of play and Togo always looked overstretched, despite an attractive attacking style. By the 50-minute mark, the Koreans had started to play with some of the speed and creativity they showed in 2002, and Abalo’s dismissal simply gave them even more space to push towards the (seemingly inevitable) victory.

And then the day went downhill.

After their dazzling tournament successes of 1998 and 2000, France seemed to be returning to that second tier of countries (I mentioned them yesterday) who have world-class credentials but never match the consistency of Brazil or Germany. On this form, they’re not even in the second tier. Switzerland weren’t exactly swift on the attack and seemed to accept the 0-0 scoreline rather too readily, but at least they were solid and organised. France were simply diabolical. As a huge fan of Zinedine Zidane, I found it particularly depressing to watch him trying in vain to get something out of the match, single-handedly taking on the Swiss defence and berating his players for their apathy. He deserves better than that in his last World Cup.

As for Brazil… well, England can take some encouragement from that performance. Faced with the solid, defensively efficient Croatia, Brazil played exactly like England did against Paraguay. Like Joe Cole, Ronaldinho did his best, displaying a few flashes of brilliance, but the two main strikers just weren’t up to the job. Adriano looked tired and clumsy, while Ronaldo was terrible. Former Brazil/Milan striker Leonardo has been a regular guest in the BBC studio, and his embarrassment at his compatriot’s lazy, uninterested attitude was obvious. With the introduction of Ivica Olic to partner the tireless Dado Prso, Croatia looked far more lively and deserved a goal, but this Croatia team lacks the fire and passion of their 1998 squad.

Australia 3 - 1 Japan
USA 0 - 3 Czech Republic
Italy 2 - 0 Ghana

Can Italy still be considered one of the Big Teams? Taking into account the full history of international football, they certainly can… they’re members of that exclusive band of multiple World Cup winners. However, since Marco Tardelli’s iconic goal celebration in the 1982 final, Italy’s form has been more a case of spectacular underachievement. They now have more in common with countries such as Sweden, Holland, the Czech Republic and of course England… their high-profile players look great in the right context, but lack the consistency (and luck) to go all the way.

For some pundits, this World Cup will see Italy’s return to the top. I’m not going to argue either way… I mean, how can you tell? A good half of the first-choice players were there in 2002 and 2004, while the talented new kids have replaced equally talented veterans. It’s difficult to stop the rot when the underachievement is so ingrained, especially when your record at top-level penalty shoot-outs is even worse than England’s!

As it turned out, Italy certainly weren’t the most convincing team playing yesterday, making hard work of their win against Ghana. Like Costa Rica and Angola before them, Ghana never really looked like they were going to win, lacking the killer scoring instinct to accompany their assured passing ability.

No, the team of Day 4 was clearly the Czech Republic, back in the sort of form they showed before their surprising semi-final exit at Euro 2004. This may be the finest USA team of all time, but they were given a lesson in total football by the Czechs. The serious injury to Jan Koller will deprive them of a guaranteed goal source, but Rosicky is good enough to be among the tournament’s top scorers and combined well with the substitute Lokvenc.

As an Englishman, I’m probably expected to wish a thousand 2005 Ashes defeats on Australia, right? No way! Any team that plays full-blooded, football with proper old-fashioned tackles is fine by me. They fully deserved their victory against a rather uninspired Japan, whose illegitimate goal seemed to shatter the Aussies’ confidence until that spectacular goal rush in the last ten minutes. Spiggin’ awesome!

Sometimes, it isn’t just about the performances on the pitch. Each of the matches on day 3 had some sort of political or historical significance.

Mexico 3 - 1 Iran

Right from the start, a terrible dilemma for the sensitive New Age pinko liberal leftie football fan. To cheer for Iran or not to cheer for Iran? Let’s be honest, now… we all cheered when they beat the USA in 1998, even in the days before Bush and the Axis of Evil hysteria. But wait… Iran’s president denies the Holocaust, and the entire female population is banned from attending football matches. A lot of sports fans tend to shy away from politics, but football is part of everyday life for many people, and politics *is* everyday life.

[I didn't actually notice, but I'm sure none of these issues were addressed on the BBC, whose coverage so far has been pretty moronic. ITV in "better than another channel" shocker!]

Actually, these ethical dilemmas were academic as far as I was concerned… I’d been hugely impressed by Mexico’s performance (beating Brazil) in last year’s Confederations Cup and was eager to see whether they’d finally punch their weight in a World Cup. They took a while to get started, but showed great promise for the next two matches during the second half.

Serbia & Montenegro 0 - 1 Holland

The second match kicked off the first and only World Cup appearance of Serbia & Montenegro. They were Yugoslavia in the 2000 European Championships, but the never-ending labyrinth of Balkan politics means that they’ll be entering their next tournaments as two independent nations. Now, as I mentioned before, the Netherlands have been my “second team” ever since the 1978 World Cup, so I wanted them to win, but it was good to see S&M put up a good fight.

This match also provided my first contender for pithy quote of the tournament. Co-commentator Mick McCarthy pointed out: “Robben can hardly stand up”. Um… yes. Despite his undeniable brilliance and my allegiance to his team, I find it impossible to ignore Arjen Robben’s conceited attitude and constant diving. I mean, it takes something to be a conspicuously whining prima donna at Chelsea, doesn’t it? And speaking of which…

Angola 0 - 1 Portugal

In which the African debutantes meet their former colonial masters. There was great potential for aggro here… in one of the two previous meetings (a “friendly”) four Angola players were sent off and the match was abandoned. If you rule a country for nearly half a millennium before leaving it to thirty years of poverty, ruin and civil war, you expect a few hard feelings. However, it was a spirited, flowing match, and any historical issues were overshadowed by a far more important matter. Cristiano Ronaldo must have the ball. Now. You can’t have it. It’s his ball. Give him the ball NOW! And a balloon. AND SOME CANDY FLOSS, DAMMIT! And if Mr Scolari substitutes him 20 minutes from the end, he’ll sit on the bench and cry. And probably do a big poo on the changing room floor as well.

Yes, that’s right… the Premiership’s biggest spoilt child was his usual frustrating self. While Arjen Robben’s sulky play-acting merely provided an unfortunate punctuation to 90 minutes of left-wing genius, Ronaldo’s obvious wing-play talents are frequently overshadowed by his selfish and mean-spirited attitude, not to mention those ludicrously ineffectual and over-complicated “step-over” moves.

Overall, despite an early goal, Portugal flattered to deceive and were fortunate not to concede from the many clear chances they gave to Angola, who just couldn’t match their extraordinary passing ability with a goalscoring instinct. With a likely second-round match against either Argentina or Holland, we’ll probably be seeing both an early exit for Portugal and a damn good kicking for little Lord Cristiano.

England 1 - 0 Paraguay
Trinidad & Tobago 0 - 0 Sweden
Argentina 2 - 1 Ivory Coast

Paraguay have often been known for their solid defences in the past, and after some early jitters (an own goal from a Beckham free-kick after four minutes; a substitute goalkeeper four minutes later) they settled into a solid, unadventurous game plan. England certainly were disappointing, but it was nothing disastrous… I always had the feeling that if Paraguay did ever sneak a goal, England would hit back hard. It occurred to me that England’s failings were more a case of apathy than ineptness; Paraguay just weren’t dangerous enough to provide the motivation.

It was a shame to hear a small number of (presumably England) fans jeering Owen Hargreaves, but his few contributions didn’t help his case much.

Compared with Germany’s hopeless defence (see Day 1) and England’s half-hearted attacking, Sweden provided the biggest “how the mighty have fallen” shock of the day. The recent Swedish teams have always been solid and organised, but with an explosive attacking flair, especially from Henrik Larsson. Today, Larsson (at 34, playing in his 5th major international tournament) provided the only glimmers of hope for a team that looked old, jaded and seriously in need of new blood.

Trinidad & Tobago, reduced to ten men shortly after half-time, played with passion and dedication and deserved the point. Shaka Hislop… honorary Geordie, honorary Cockney and now probably the world’s favourite second-choice goalkeeper.

In the final match, Ivory Coast certainly had the technical ability to pull off a similar feat, but constantly underestimated an excellent Argentinian defence. A number of promising moves ended with players running into trouble by releasing the ball far too late, while Didier Drogba was as frustrating as he so often is with Chelsea. If he had applied himself from the start, rather than playing the sulky victim, the match could have been very different. As it was, he began producing flashes of brilliance (including a cleverly taken goal) in the last ten minutes, but it was too late.

Argentina never looked like they were coasting, but they clearly have bags of talent between them, along with a crisply organised solidity. It’s always good to see people succeeding in life despite terrible physical impairments, and Juan Sorín showed once again that his 1986 poodle haircut needn’t prevent him from enjoying life to the full. Has he not considered the aerodynamic implications?

Do you get the feeling that several teams hadn’t read the script? Be honest now… did anyone predict *both* of those results?

Germany 4 - 2 Costa Rica
Poland 0 - 2 Ecuador

As Europe’s most successful World Cup performers, Germany were bound to win the opening game on home soil against a relative minnow in world football terms. What was surprising was that their squad appeared to have been kidnapped and replaced with the 1998 Japan squad… all “rabbit caught in headlights” defending and speculative long-range shots.

Of course, when those speculative shots come from sharpshooters like Torsten Frings and Philip Lahm, you’ve a fair chance of scoring, but had it not been for the more comprehensive footballing palette of Miroslav Klose, the match could easily have ended an impotent 2-2 draw. All the media attention has been on the Ballack bollocks, but to be honest, I’ve always found him rather overrated. Klose could be their best chance of avoiding embarrassment.

As it was, the 4-2 scoreline flatters Germany; while Costa Rica have a nice repertoire of passing moves (and skilful runs from Wanchope) they seriously lacked aggression, and should have done more to exploit some dodgy German passing. As the other supposed no-hopers in Group A, Ecuador had that aggression, using it to great effect against a lacklustre Polish team. I’d been so sure that Group A would simply be a Germany-Poland battle for the deciding match… lucky I’m not a gambling man!

[By the way, I'm going to link to BBC reports for all the results in these posts... no particular reason, other than the longevity of their microsites]