The View from the Spaghetti Factory

And while we’re on that subject, did someone forget to tell Mascherano? Great player, but just learn to keep your trap shut, Javier. Hurrah for a more robust approach from Premiership referees and here’s to more consistent support from the FA.

FA to throw book at Mascherano (Guardian)

I’m not sure whether Rafa Benitez is just loyally protecting his player or whether he didn’t see the incidents properly, but it was pretty clear from the TV coverage that Mascherano urged the referee to “fuck off” on at least two occasions… after his initial booking and later in the game. His decision then to appoint himself as spokesman for Torres was obviously the last straw for Steve Bennett :-)

Oh dear, another gem from everyone’s favourite manager in the Cloud Cuckooland Premier Division…

Nice gesture, shame about the short-term memory, eh? Find the TV footage of every unsuccessful Man Utd penalty appeal this season, and I guarantee you’ll see the bulging eyes and furious ranting of Rooney, Carrick, Ronaldo etc.

Even worse, though, was the behaviour of Lampard, Terry and Ashley Cole last week, protesting the yellow card given to Cole after his reckless challenge on Alan Hutton. A couple of inches higher, and he could have shattered Hutton’s kneecap, but his lack of remorse was astonishing. Even worse was his refusal to face Mike Riley as he was being booked, turning his back on him like a spoiled schoolkid. Why did this not earn him a second yellow card?

I don’t know whether the root cause is a lack of respect from the players, lack of consistency from the referees or a lack of consistent support given to the referees by the FA, but I know one thing… Fabio Capello was at that Tottenham-Chelsea match, and when the camera cut to him during the Ashley Cole tantrum, he had a face like thunder.

Call to restrict smoking scenes

A Liverpool-based anti-smoking group is campaigning for all films featuring people smoking to be given 18 certificates. Now, I’m happy about the smoking ban in cinemas, pubs and restaurants (for my own comfort; I’m still unsure of how ethical a blanket ban really is) but this is just insane.

It seems superfluous and too obvious to state, but smoking is legal. Children can see *real* people (possibly, OMIGOD, IN THEIR OWN FAMILY!) smoking in public every day. They can also go to the cinema and legally be exposed to some pretty extreme violence and bizarre Hollywood worldviews (one of which seems appropriate here).

As usual, the Daily Mash makes the most sense of the issue.

Is Ed Stourton feeling the pinch after yesterday’s budget? From an “in the next hour” preview on this morning’s Today programme…

Nah, I’d hold the pillow down a bit longer, if I were you.

Although I dislike Jeremy Clarkson and the whole BLOKES TALKING ABOUT BLOKEY THINGS AND CALLING A SPADE A SPADE IN A LOUD SMUG VOICE subculture he seems to have inspired, this makes me feel uneasy…

Police probe Clarkson phone photo (BBC)

Yep, if he was talking on his mobile while driving at 70mph, that’s bad. It’s more than bad, it’s illegal. But do we really want a system of law enforcement based around crafty phonecam snaps sent to tabloid newspapers?

I see people using (non-handsfree) mobile phones while driving, sometimes while making involved manoeuvres, on an almost daily basis. And it annoys me, much like any other example of people thinking they’re above the law. But if I take photos of these people and send them to a tabloid newspaper, or even the local police station, what’s going to happen? Probably nothing, and that’s a shame. However, perhaps someone should make the usual channels work properly before we start franchising our entire legal system to the Daily Mirror newsdesk.

In recent weeks, I’ve noticed that some fairly big-name websites are loading a lot more slowly than they used to. Looking at the status bar on my browser, the line “waiting for ssl.google-analytics.com” seems almost always to be the problem.

Amusingly, I just spent a good couple of minutes trying to access my Gmail account. The reason for the delay? Guess…

I’m sure every industry has its share of snake-oil and bad science; the music/audio industry is certainly no exception. This made me giggle…

Audiophiles can’t tell the difference between Monster Cable and coat hangers (engadget.com)

It doesn’t surprise me, to be honest. I remember Ben Goldacre issued a challenge in his Guardian column, offering to take part in a double-blind test of some IEC mains cables (kettle leads, in other words) that cost several hundred pounds. The manufacturers never rose to his challenge, as far as I’m aware. I’ve seen super-expensive guitar leads that were supposed to be connected between the guitar and amplifier in one direction only and I can clearly remember the discussions in Q Magazine about whether CDs sounded better after a few hours in the freezer. Yep, there’s a whole industry out there, dedicated to relieving the gullible of vast wodges of cash in return for complete bullshit.

And if it’s bullshit you want, Machina Dynamica must be the masters of the genre. I still can’t decide whether this site is the absolute pinnacle of snake oil or just a clever spoof…

Yep, stones. In a plastic bag. For anything from $39 to $159 each :-D

I can’t find much to criticise in the basic principles behind James Boyle’s decision to walk to India, relying purely upon the kindness of strangers for the basic necessities of life. I mean, it’s all a bit “fundamentalist” for my liking, but hey… he’s not hurting anyone.

But really, wouldn’t you think he’d do a bit of research beforehand? Maybe kind of figure out that they might speak a different language in some of the countries he intended to pass through? If you’re going to walk right across Europe and Asia, you’re eventually going to have to leave those well-beaten tourist tracks where people speak English. I’m not sure if he was incredibly naive or incredibly arrogant.

As Arsenal take on the ageing glitterati of AC Milan tonight, one player will unfortunately be missing from the Rossoneri line-up. Yes, Football’s Daftest Goalkeeper, Mr Nélson de Jesus Silva, otherwise known as Dida, will not be there.

Dida, you may remember, endeared himself to Celtic fans earlier this year. Having been lightly tapped on the shoulder by a pitch-invading scally, he briefly gave chase, only to remember his proud Brazilian heritage, throwing himself melodramatically to the ground, clutching his face in agony as he took his last, halting breaths.

Amazingly brought back to life by… well, a two match ban from his own club for being such a drama queen, Dida has now been sidelined through yet another crushing blow. During last week’s match against Parma, the poor love had to be stretchered off after suffering muscle spasms in his back. The unfortunate rigours of being a professional footballer, eh? Well, not really… he was sitting on the bench at the time.

Marry Our Daughter

I’m laughing. No, wait… I’m crying. Actually, I just can’t tell any more. Please let this site be real and not a parody!